The Best Exam Answers Yet?

Some people might look at the state of politics and be concerned for the future. I got emailed this today, which I think causes even more worry for future with the intelligence levels of tomorrow’s leaders…

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery         

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow                                    (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.G. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U                        

Q.. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium  

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.        (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.     

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.                

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

I’ve recently been weighing up the benefits of private education and independent schools in Hampshire, and if this isn’t reason enough to go for a non-state education, I don’t know what is.

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52 responses to “The Best Exam Answers Yet?

  1. i found this very funny

  2. Some of these are such simple mistakes its terrifying, i hope this kid has been found and told that he’s too stupid to be human and locked up to get him off the streets before he harms someone.

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  4. The only comment I can think of is HELP!!!!!!!

  5. What’s wrong about mushrooms?

  6. Ha! Awesome list… can’t help thinking I’ll see it on snopes at some point as an example of creative writing. I hope not!

  7. It also is a good example of what children actually pick up on their own.
    – puberty
    – terminal (airport)

  8. i really hope you don’t think these are serious.

  9. I hope the author understands that if not apocryphal, most of these were jokes by students doing a standardized exam where they knew the teacher would not be able to call them out for criticism. 35 years ago when our school gave us anonymous questionnaires about drugs and sex we all said we used heroin regularly and had far more sex even than we fantasized about having, and the humorless school administrators were terrified by the results. I see some of these answers as hope that there will be humor in the future, because there is too little of it now.

  10. Hilarious 😀 you can also delay milk turning sour by drinking it 🙂

  11. hugotheglorious

    No way… The answers are too smart sounding… Don’t get me wrong, they’re absolutely brilliant… Probably a smart kid being a smart-ass.

  12. Fake

  13. Hahahahaha awesome answers 😉 😛 wonder how much he scored

  14. Haha… I’d have to say the kids were just trying to be clever. Nobody comes up with that stuff by accident.

  15. Most of these are obviously fake or the students were not taking the exam seriously.

  16. Carpe Diem….seize the day. Or in this case seizure diem.

  17. Yup, the humor’s missing these days. And i believe that kids will want to be one-up over the adult world…

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  19. Seriously in what sort of exam would a 16 year old get asked what the four seasons are?! Wish my exams were that easy 🙂

  20. As people have mentioned before, if this is real, then it is just a student joking around.

    So maybe we should all be a bit more worried about the adults who can’t didn’t get it.

  21. I read these ones before. I believe it’s one of the urban myth chain letters. Amusing and funny but not real.

  22. I thought these answers were hilarious so I shared them with my 17 year old who is pretty smart, he didn’t think they were so funny…..must be an age thing!!!!

  23. Mushrooms are a fungus! They do look like umbrellas in many cases! There seems to be nothing wrong with that one….

    I’ve answered in silly ways on tests and I am quite capable. This is probably a bit of cherry picking if real at all. mbk

  24. Great read, yet very true. I found this article while Stumbling. Very entertaining.

  25. I’ve always wondered how you can clean up the water. This does give me an answer. Now I want to experience the 4 seasons.

  26. Not real. These have been around for years. I posted these on one of my sites 5 or 6 years ago. They are usually attributed to elementary schools children not teenagers. I agree with SK, probably just an urban myth.

  27. yes amusing,buy total fabrication.why claim iits genuine?IM FIFTY FIVE and at least a third of these answers were being quoted when i was in grammar school in the 1960s

  28. Stumbled here, enjoyed, it funny indeed. Humor does not hurt. I’ll be smiling when I remember this test and answers.

  29. I’ve seen this kind of chain letters before… old trick. It’s painfully obvious that this isn’t true, or that this is the work of a bored teenager trying to be a smartass.
    The most worrying thing, though, is that adults seem to lack the common sense to disregard 98% of chain letters as bs. If adults can’t tell reality from the product of an idle mind, then I don’t know why they should be complaining about our education.

  30. Well, at least you have to admit that most of the answers were pretty punny.

  31. It is refreshing to find something like this test-joke that makes us laugh out-loud in these times. I agree with ‘WOW’.
    We are surrounded by few things that make us laugh or amuse and momentarily aid in stress release.
    Plagiarism is a valid point that ‘SK& MF’ suggest: I wonder if the source is of importance when all I wanted to do is seek peaceful distraction.

  32. LOL some of these are true genius!!! Pretty certain they are thought up by a comedian!!

    To witty for a supposed school failure!

  33. I found these stupid but entertaining. Are they copied or original?

  34. Uh… okay.
    Giggle…

  35. A kid did the four season in my old secondary school the teach was rabbiting on about it.

  36. I agree some of these are pretty old, but still funny. To my regret I lost my favourite book of schoolboy howlers about 20 years ago (written in the 50’s if I recall correctly). Those I remember included:

    The opposite of lass is ass.

    The advantage of having a long-handled lever is that you can get some else to help you pump.

    The school infant choir singing: “We can sing full though we be…” (weak and sinful though we be).

  37. Why am I not surprised?
    Your youth are stupid because your families are crumbling… and your societies will be first to fall!

    Just jokiiing!

  38. Some of them are hilarious…

  39. The question setter might have thought out the answers first or the kids are witty and humorous enough to produce real hilarious effect with their ridiculous answers.

  40. Simply unbelievable !! The kids are witty indeed to produce such good humours. Hats off.

  41. Thanks for the share, hilarious!

  42. His answers are very smart and witty! i would pass him for just the effort ~ the kid should be a comedian.. he sure has it in him

  43. This shows how creative and smarts kids can be.
    Really funny!

  44. I hope people realize that to a 16 year old being able to say he answered a silly answer to a question is way more important than scoring on a test that has nothing to do with your report card. If a student were given a test that has no affect on his grade he will most likely treat it as a joke, even if the president is going to grade it. We just want the president to know how funny we are!

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  46. Hahaha! I must admit, those were some pretty funny exam answers.

  47. hehe, this is a good game of words
    cheers!

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